I'm confused.  It's damn bad.
After I've finally come to terms with my thoughts and feelings and I thought I knew what I was feeling, everything crumbled again. He is supposed to be my crush. He's not the kind of guy I will like. He's way beyond my league. He's the guy where most girls will crowd around and tryinf to fling themselves on him kind. He's just not within my range.  But I seem to be attracted to him. I concluded that he is my crush, a crush where you are just attracted by looks, charisma and charm.  Where it is just a passing phase.  It is supposed to be a passing phase.  And after today, I felt that confusing irritating feeling that I've always dreaded to feel. Uncomfortable. You know how it sucks to be uncomfortable in front of people?  The feeling of being stiffled even though you're in an open area? The feeling of being compressed to your bones even though you're physically sitting down and drinking your drink? I never like to feel this way. I hate being not confident. I hate having to question myself. I hate being self conscious. I really tried to drop this feeling. Tried to detach this whole situation and my physical self but I guess its not really working well. I hate you, for making me feel this way, for causing me to do stupid things beyind my rationality, for making me hate myself.

Passing phase, please pass. Please.