lynettelimyuyingsblog

Friday, April 06, 2012

ARGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! I'M SO FUCKING PISSED!!!!!!!!!!

WAD THE FUCK ARE THEY HERE FOR? THEY DUNNO ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 THEY ARE NOT HELPING ME AT ALL I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE THEMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM...

FUCKING CB.

10:10 PM

Thursday, April 05, 2012

finally managed to randomly take time out to blog. last blog was dec 31st 2011. which is exactly 3 months and 5 days after. not very long actually. haha.z seeing how pissed i was when i came back from china trip really makes me think back on the times we had. and i thinking being pissed increased the intensity of the blog and words i used. hahaahz. good job ying. =)

in this 3 months and 5 days on, I've left vital.. it actually wasn't a last minute decision. I had this intention since like 1 yr after I joined. Reason being, i would be starting school and I wouldn't want to juggle between work and studies. I hate it when people question why don't I do 2 at the same time, telling me I'm wasting time and whatsoever.. I know they're being concerned, but seriously, how the hell is that your concern? There are many reasons as to why I decide to stop working.. not just studies.. If you know me well enough, you would understand my decision.. Hate people questioning my decision and when I tell you the reason, you just say, but you can do this and do that what... so i must be crude and say, i just don't want to work and want to be tai tai can?? then ppl will shut up. So i've learnt, don't bother telling people the truth when you konw their response. It will just amplify the tension.. I rather just turn it into some joke and we'll both laugh it off, and then nobody gets hurt. And people wonder why they are not told the truth.

so what have I taken away from Vital? More than friendship and experience, I should say. Everything in the past 2 years have integrated to become part of me. The times, the skills, the people skills and most of all, how to deal with problems which definately can be used in life. Friendship, is more than just hi-bye friends, gossiping. Its about knowing them, finding a common topic that you both can talk to, and having non-awkward silences. I'm really glad to find such gems in Vital and I'm very sure I won't be able to find them again in future workplaces.

But of course, there's always a black sheep amongst the white. I really dunno since when everything went downhill. We started from strangers, being forced into this common group. We slowly got to know each other and found common topics and ideas and everything. Then, was it that issue, that drained all our efforts? Why that isuse? I know i was the bad guy.. but if it was you, would you have done it differently? I don't believe so. Then things started to get awkward, silent, tensed, bad. Superfacial smiles and conversations didnt' quite managed to cover what was cracking beneath. And then it went to lesser and lesser and lesser conversations. that is my biggest regret, to not be able to sustain the relationship.

Other colleagues although nothing in-depth, I really enjoyed their company. Nothing bitchy, nothing back-stabbing, nothing other than let's-get-our-work-done-and-fuck-off attitude. I like. hahahaz. yes, brainless people peppered around, both in and out of Vital... but patience is a virture and I've learnt to be patient with people who are slower in thinking. To understand them and to guide them, cuz they desparately need guidance. Good working relationship with most people, I should say. hahaha.

School has been rather smooth, so far. A little bit of stress with the bloody freaking assignements.. The lecturers are very experienced.. and that really really helped a lot. I like them using youtube, social media, recent news and all kinds of platforms relavant to us to provide examples. And this has also shown and proven that these platforms are transforming our lives. Even schools are using Youtube so dependently. Wow...... Evolution is like the biggest shit. It has really really forced people to follow them. Its like you don't have a freaking choice to say no. hahah. oh well... i'm trying my best. Technology is like Usain Bolt. How the fuck do we catch up ? Every mintue somebody is thinking of upgrading, creating, enhancing, improving everything. Yes for our own good.... but too fast for our pace. hahahaz. i'm still in the, use internet for drama kind of era.. not ups yet...

oh.. and since we're on dramas. My dramas are like................................................... fucking lag.. even gooey say me.. OMG!!!! hai.. really no time. My twitter is always ALWAYS 12 hours behind.. like why do I even bother reading rite? hahahaz.

Never realised that being on the same line, makes some people closer than before. I guess this has to do with the in-group and out-group thingy... haha. sorry.. sociology again. But its true! Being inthe same circumstance and sharing the same feelings is like "wow this is god-send". And now I konw how important support groups are. Paramount. And I really feel a lot better cuz there are not many people I can talk to about this issue. Its like, someone who understands me, but don't judge me, but still can emphatize and symphatize with all that I'm going through. Okay, not really to symphatize with me. hahaahz. don't need that. Its so easy to see how people judge you. All you have to do is to have eye contact with them. If their eye contact feels awkward, or they shit uncomfortably, then they don't agree with what you're saying but they just don't say it out loud. Not many people are convincing in acting that out.. so its quite easy to know.

But I still appreciate people listening to my problems, which I have a lot and I wonder why. its like, drama sequel.. never ending. Oh well..

life's like that. Sometimes its really up to you to save yourself. Not everyone can be there 24/7 and even if they really can, sometimes you can't get the right words out to express yourself. And everything will sound way off from the way it actually is. words. root of all salvations but also root to all evils. So how? immerse yourself in mucis. I guess that's the way I heal myself. Just let the music take you away, into the melody and the lyrics. One good song steals you away from the real world for that 3mins. And you'll be strucked what a difference that can make.

if only my thoughts can flow like this when I'm doing my assignment. hahahaz. then I dun have to keep cracking my head to get ideas.

good night everyone.. =)

10:53 PM