The first post of 2014.

A new year, but things have not been very good emotionally . Whatever things that can go wrong, has gone wrong. But let me start with a brief update on my life.

I'm working and daddy's company, which is also the travel line. Workload has been piling up, and the start of academic year has also increased my tuition frequency, is not helping. It's been crazy busy and busy crazy. So I'm busy with tuition, both paid  and volunteer. I'm still helping Wei yang out. He's in sec 3 now. Yay!!! ^____^.. I'm guiding his Chinese ands English now. Much better when I was helping out with maths and science. Totally know nuts about it. So apart from weiyang, I've also been elected as vice chair of YEC. Not elated in fact. I still prefer my freedom over power. When I wanna go, I go. When I dun wanna go, I Mia. Now, cuz of the position, I have to show face. Which is wad I hate. Aka wayang.

As for school, I'm into my last year. I'm enjoying my course max cuz it's wad I like. this is the best decision I have ever made. Yay!! I hope to do wad I like. I found a particular position that interest me actually. It's called social service officer. And guess where! Jalan besar cc!! So basically MSF has set up this social service office to be ensure that there are people who are able to hear the voices of the the people in the community. Finally the govt is doing something. Tbh, our govt has been doing well all along. It has been using the compliance method. But too bad, societies are evolving and people are getting more and more liberalized and individualistic due to the influence from the west. Thus here compliance methodc can't work very well these days. Thus all the problems.

Ok after all these grandfather grandmother story, my initial emotion which I wanted to pour out has already been diluted. But I shall just continue.

So as the entire universe knows, my kpop  craze has been pretty well known. It started with Korean dramas actually. Started with the drama "my girl" when fell in love with lee Jun ki. And this carried on with more dramas and more invasions of crushes (e.g. Lee min ho, lee seung gi). Yes, I know, all LEE. So these crushes became part of my life but not the sole direction. And then came vital, came Lydia, and came super junior. I fell hard for yesung and he became my sole direction. So in a nutshell, my current obsession is both dramas and super junior.

So last year may 6th, yesung had to enlist for compulsory military service and he dropped the bomb just one month before his enlistment. Which is also the start of super show 5. In which was anticipating like hell, which turned out to be a double blow. No yesung for ss5 singapore, and no yesung for 2 years. That was my crumbling moment, where I had to struggle to get past the first few mths. I relied on my next bias, which is lsg. Yes, I know all along that he has this super huge crush on una. But it has been 3 years and una has no response! So until 1st jan 2014, the bombed dropped

 on me once more. Una and lsg are together. Wow. That was TOTALLY unexpected. On one hand, I'm honestly happy that he has got what he has been looking for all these while. But I can't be happy knowing that I dislike una . So there's this huge cognitive dissonance going on, trying to find the balance point of how things are gonna be like.

And yes, I survived. I finally acknowledged that he's together with una and Although I'm not entirely HAPPY, I'm have these sincere wishes to them. I know it doesn't make sense but that's really wad I'm feeling.

And so after I've finally let everything be the wind that past me, a terrible tragedy happened
yesterday. Lee teuk's dad and grandparents passed away. I know, it's something that has nothing to do with me. But this concerns my pillar and sense of direction. Sj has always been my no.1 and for smth this tragic to hit the leader,  what will become of sj and elfs!? He's crumbling. He lost 3 family members in one night. The members are not coping well with this sudden loss. Needles to say, if your bias crumble, you can't stand. Huge crisis. I'm so lost I'm at the stages where I dun wanna see them. I want all their activities to be cancelled. Who are they kidding?? They can't possibly go through another round of ss5 or new album or mv filming with this state of mind!! Their strained faces and hidden emotions. It's too much for us to bear. They can't. I swear.

So what's gonna happen now? No idea. This might be the start of the demise. I've no more forces left, except reality, No other channels of passion other than reality and no other subset of my life other than reality. In ultra ultra depression mode. But I know elfs will be there, the sapphire blue ocean will be there and I know lee teuk will stand up once again, back as our symbol of strength.

Till the day, super junior stand on the stage, with the sapphire blue ocean and elfs right below; the day where super junior becomes the LAST MAN STANDING.