i'm feeling so tired so tired. i dunno why am i even bothering when no one gives a damn? its like... everything also i do, everything also i plan. no one appreciates, no one cooperates, no one puts in the effort. why is it only i feel guilty when a present is not bought and not everyone else? why is it only i feel there's a need to meet up after 2-3 months of not seeing each other? why is it only i feel this way? i dun blame the guys. they're in NS and they hardly have personal time. i dun mind buying the presents, keeping track of all birthdays, planning meet ups blah blah. i love to plan stuff. maybe thats why everyone takes it for granted that i will plan everything and no one offers to help. i'm sick of it. tired of everything. i'm like putting in 100% to cover up for the lack of 50% and that is way too much for me. my mum asks why do i go around buying presents, planning dinners and stuff. i tell her cuz they are my friends. and i hold them important. very important. well.. forgive meif i value you too much; forgive me if i missed you when i've not met up with you for months; forgive me if i just want to know how are you; forgive me if all i ever wanted was to get everyone presents on their birthday. its error on my part and i won't let it happen again. pls don't get me wrong. i never ever thought of claiming the credit for all that i planned, i never wanted to be kowtowed for credit. i just need to feel that all of you care and you all are trying. just that. is that too much to ask for? how long has it been this way? slap me if i'm wrong, but i dare say its close to 2 yrs. maybe more. maybe thats life, once you separate, you separate for good. i can't force nature can i. ok.. i'm just gonna let nature take its course. if everyone doesn't care, i shan't either. da jie da on one side and da jie on the other. the pressure and the STRESS felt is something i'm very sure no one felt before. we are all going to be 21 this yr and that adds on to extra stress. yes. we are all busy. who is not? running out of ideas for presents, running out of ideas for places to meet, running out of my strong will too. i felt this way once before but i shrug the thought off, thinking that the most important thing is that everyone gets together. now i can't shrug it off. i feel that i value friends way too important over family. i don't even get christmas presnts for my mum and dad although they give me one every year, i dun watch movies with my mum nowadays, i dun treat them as well as i treat my friends; and thats going to change. i promise. yah. maybe i need a boyfriend like wad everyone says. if not i'll become a grumpy old bitchy witch who keeps meeting up with friends when ppl have girlfriends and boyfriends to meet.
thanx for always asking me out when you have the time, or watching movies every thurs as a date, and those who've help me plan everything once. you know who you are and i thank you with all my heart.

and maybe its just the difference in thinking. i just can't connect. i dunno if its me or you but there's definately something wrong in between. take hints. doesn't mean you want to talk, means i want to listen; doesn't mean you want to listen, means i want to talk.

i'm going to work my ass of till june in cookie museum. won't be blogging till then. can consider this blog temporary dead.


action speaks louder than words.