lynettelimyuyingsblog

Friday, April 06, 2012

ARGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! I'M SO FUCKING PISSED!!!!!!!!!!

WAD THE FUCK ARE THEY HERE FOR? THEY DUNNO ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 THEY ARE NOT HELPING ME AT ALL I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE THEMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM...

FUCKING CB.

10:10 PM

Thursday, April 05, 2012

finally managed to randomly take time out to blog. last blog was dec 31st 2011. which is exactly 3 months and 5 days after. not very long actually. haha.z seeing how pissed i was when i came back from china trip really makes me think back on the times we had. and i thinking being pissed increased the intensity of the blog and words i used. hahaahz. good job ying. =)

in this 3 months and 5 days on, I've left vital.. it actually wasn't a last minute decision. I had this intention since like 1 yr after I joined. Reason being, i would be starting school and I wouldn't want to juggle between work and studies. I hate it when people question why don't I do 2 at the same time, telling me I'm wasting time and whatsoever.. I know they're being concerned, but seriously, how the hell is that your concern? There are many reasons as to why I decide to stop working.. not just studies.. If you know me well enough, you would understand my decision.. Hate people questioning my decision and when I tell you the reason, you just say, but you can do this and do that what... so i must be crude and say, i just don't want to work and want to be tai tai can?? then ppl will shut up. So i've learnt, don't bother telling people the truth when you konw their response. It will just amplify the tension.. I rather just turn it into some joke and we'll both laugh it off, and then nobody gets hurt. And people wonder why they are not told the truth.

so what have I taken away from Vital? More than friendship and experience, I should say. Everything in the past 2 years have integrated to become part of me. The times, the skills, the people skills and most of all, how to deal with problems which definately can be used in life. Friendship, is more than just hi-bye friends, gossiping. Its about knowing them, finding a common topic that you both can talk to, and having non-awkward silences. I'm really glad to find such gems in Vital and I'm very sure I won't be able to find them again in future workplaces.

But of course, there's always a black sheep amongst the white. I really dunno since when everything went downhill. We started from strangers, being forced into this common group. We slowly got to know each other and found common topics and ideas and everything. Then, was it that issue, that drained all our efforts? Why that isuse? I know i was the bad guy.. but if it was you, would you have done it differently? I don't believe so. Then things started to get awkward, silent, tensed, bad. Superfacial smiles and conversations didnt' quite managed to cover what was cracking beneath. And then it went to lesser and lesser and lesser conversations. that is my biggest regret, to not be able to sustain the relationship.

Other colleagues although nothing in-depth, I really enjoyed their company. Nothing bitchy, nothing back-stabbing, nothing other than let's-get-our-work-done-and-fuck-off attitude. I like. hahahaz. yes, brainless people peppered around, both in and out of Vital... but patience is a virture and I've learnt to be patient with people who are slower in thinking. To understand them and to guide them, cuz they desparately need guidance. Good working relationship with most people, I should say. hahaha.

School has been rather smooth, so far. A little bit of stress with the bloody freaking assignements.. The lecturers are very experienced.. and that really really helped a lot. I like them using youtube, social media, recent news and all kinds of platforms relavant to us to provide examples. And this has also shown and proven that these platforms are transforming our lives. Even schools are using Youtube so dependently. Wow...... Evolution is like the biggest shit. It has really really forced people to follow them. Its like you don't have a freaking choice to say no. hahah. oh well... i'm trying my best. Technology is like Usain Bolt. How the fuck do we catch up ? Every mintue somebody is thinking of upgrading, creating, enhancing, improving everything. Yes for our own good.... but too fast for our pace. hahahaz. i'm still in the, use internet for drama kind of era.. not ups yet...

oh.. and since we're on dramas. My dramas are like................................................... fucking lag.. even gooey say me.. OMG!!!! hai.. really no time. My twitter is always ALWAYS 12 hours behind.. like why do I even bother reading rite? hahahaz.

Never realised that being on the same line, makes some people closer than before. I guess this has to do with the in-group and out-group thingy... haha. sorry.. sociology again. But its true! Being inthe same circumstance and sharing the same feelings is like "wow this is god-send". And now I konw how important support groups are. Paramount. And I really feel a lot better cuz there are not many people I can talk to about this issue. Its like, someone who understands me, but don't judge me, but still can emphatize and symphatize with all that I'm going through. Okay, not really to symphatize with me. hahaahz. don't need that. Its so easy to see how people judge you. All you have to do is to have eye contact with them. If their eye contact feels awkward, or they shit uncomfortably, then they don't agree with what you're saying but they just don't say it out loud. Not many people are convincing in acting that out.. so its quite easy to know.

But I still appreciate people listening to my problems, which I have a lot and I wonder why. its like, drama sequel.. never ending. Oh well..

life's like that. Sometimes its really up to you to save yourself. Not everyone can be there 24/7 and even if they really can, sometimes you can't get the right words out to express yourself. And everything will sound way off from the way it actually is. words. root of all salvations but also root to all evils. So how? immerse yourself in mucis. I guess that's the way I heal myself. Just let the music take you away, into the melody and the lyrics. One good song steals you away from the real world for that 3mins. And you'll be strucked what a difference that can make.

if only my thoughts can flow like this when I'm doing my assignment. hahahaz. then I dun have to keep cracking my head to get ideas.

good night everyone.. =)

10:53 PM

Saturday, December 31, 2011

Its really tough travelling in such a big group. You get all sorts of Shit. Ppl throwing tantrums, ppl giving unnecessary problems, ppl making mountain out of molehill fusses. argh! So annoying! And its free and easy somemore, means that there is no fixed itinerary. Everyone calls the shots. Just Wtf.

And how can ppl be so spoilt? Is it true that all rich ppl are Fucking brats? I can't understand why their parents allow this to happen right in front of their noses. Just scream at your child to stop behaving like they own the Fucking world, how hard is that? Like mother like child. How can i expect your child to be of better substance when you are Fucked up yourself? I can't sympathise when your child is rude to you. Somehow along the way it was instilled in her that being picky and rude and spoilt is totally acceptable. I wonder how she Will grow up and survive in this society. And if she can't, i dunno man, your only option out is to point the trigger at your own head

11:18 AM

Saturday, September 17, 2011

I just came back from the hospital. I've been going a lot since popo has been warded. and thank god i found a quicker route home, if not i would be spending a bomb on cab... and its not really wise since i failed my TP AGAIN........................... okay. thats beside the point. i've already gotten over it and i shan't go back again.

anyway, when i went down today after class (thanx to bao for sending me direct to Newton MRT) for her dinner. I realised the bed next to her has lots of commotion. Although the curtains are pulled, covering the patient from sight, i could still hear the doctor calling out to her to open her eyes, a few other doctors/professionals giving instructions to nurses to fill this and to give that. Shortly after, one of the nurse told us that all visitors have to leave the ward and we had to wait outside. My guess was that the patient was in critical condition and they are trying their best to save her. As i walked out towards the main lobby, i saw a few of her family members i recognised outside. They were walking hurriedly, one of the lady was dapping tissues to her eyes and they were talking in urgent tones. I went out to read my book since i'm not allowed in at the moment. Then another lady i recognised, was calling frantically, speaking in grave tone to her family members, i'm guessing. She repeated her sentence over and over to different people saying, "doctor said that mum's heartbeat is inconsistent, see whether you want to come down or not".

I wasn't exactly eavesdropping but because the lobby was so quiet, i could hear every single word she said. I decided to leave her some privacy and put my headphones on. Then, i saw Ah yew and family coming out of the lift. I told them that we are not allowed in until the "rescue process" was done. As time went by, I was worried that dinner would be served for popo so i kept going back to the ward to check. Finally we are able to go in. Passing them again, i head the lady saying on the phone "just tell them its critical condition, and they will allow you up".

I guess its time then. What will happen from here onwards? During my frequent visits to the ward, i saw a number of consistent visitors. These are the ones who, should i say, are more fillal or have the time to visit her. Those who didn't, would just come to see her the last time. Why do i feel, that this scene, is so familiar everywhere?? There's bound to be a less fillal, a can't be bothered, a more fillal, a constantly worrying one? Why does life have to be so realistic? Why does a mother, have to grow through all this shit of bringing up her kids, and in the end, have to face an empty bed 24 hours a day, 7 days a week till she passes on?? Okay, since its sickness, fair enough. She can't be as healthy as before, as active as before and unable to behave like a normal person. Its unfair for me to judge her children by saying that they did not do their parts cuz i did not see everything that has happened. She also does not know much cuz she's already senile. So how then, does one fufil a child's responsibility? I hate it even more, when a mother favours this particular kid more, and this kid, just disappoints time and time again.

guess i'm in no position to judge still...

OKAY! on a lighter note, i've got back my assignemt marks. and i'm satisfied!!!!! yipee!!!!!! =)

Introduction to Social Science
TMA01 - 65%
TMA02 - 69%

The Social Self
TMA01 - 65%
TMA02 - 68%

although all only B, but stilll.. its my first attempt and my hard work paid ofF!!! All the late nights and struggling............. PHEW.

September has flown past its middle mark and its less than 2 months TWO MONTHS!!!! to exams. wtf?!!!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and i'm flying to cambodia in less than a month! and then its my birthday.....................................

okay. loads of stuff to do.. gotta FLY!!! ~~~~~~

7:05 PM

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

okay. i'm finally taking some time off hardcore rock music and listening to some zhang yun jing's songs if not i can never start writing. hahahahz..

2x 1,200 word essay, 2x 1.500 essay in 4 weeks. nice... the most stressful time of my life. no.. correction. the most sleep deprived time of my life. i have no idea how many marks am i going to get for these assigns. there's some stupid problem with blackboard. always got problem one.. zzzz. so lousy.
School's been freaking freaking busy. maybe its because i'm working at the same time? But i have the mental preparation before i started. but! it was still quite far from what i thought. hahaha. anyway, the most stressful period is over...... for now.

SP has changed a lot!! the starbucks is freaking cool lah!! but i was surprised there was no crowd. maybe today is eve of hari raya. the whole FC5 is air-conned, FC3 has been renovated, a new mac at engineering block, some stupid skating humps in the middle of nowhere. i seriously dun understnad why sp wants to encourage skating right smack in the middle of the school. its totally... =_=... anywya, i'm really glad that SP is part of my continued educatino... i go back once a week, with bao.. same module, but different class. then the other modules are at UNISim.

how's work? urm...... okay.. surviving... i spent one whole day doing my assign at work today and i feel so bad i'm neglecting my cases. and the worst thing is, anne saw me doing my work lah.. she tell me jia you someore. =_=..... she says she understand.... then my conscience got the better of me and i started doing SOME cases. haahahahz.

birthday planning!!!! i'm so freaking excited!!! i can have another huge bash!!!!! i must book the place by sept 20th... pls pls, may everything be smooth... those who should come, pls come.. those who are not invited, pls dun ask why you are not. I don't think i have to spell everything out ... there's a goody bag for everyone if everything goes well! wahahahahaha... cake.. still planning.. and there's the theme!!!! dnno whether if i shoudl carry on with a theme not. anyway. i'll confirm the ppl first. and i have already chosen wad i'm going to wear!!! wahahahahahaah. HAPPY. =)

Sisters - - - - - -closer with bao these days.. cuz of school. meeting ppl up once in a while when i have no assigns attached. anyway, i love my life now. although stressed, but i have work, school and friends! =) something is missing... something that spells me is missing. D-R-A-M-A. can you believe i've abstrained from drama for a month already? a hardcoore drama freak, successfully for more than a month? hahaah. *yeah*

anyway. life's good! everyone's good too!! =)

if i had written this post before my assign was handed in, the mood would have been a totally different one. hahaz.

12:25 AM

Saturday, July 30, 2011

a new phase of my life has started.. its me studying in uni! hahaz. this was what i had been waiting for. Started my first 2 lessons on mon and tues.. first lesson was at SP and then at Unisim. I chose the modules similar to bao but we didn't manage to get the same classroom. When we knew that, both of us were very insecure... like, wad the fuck am i going to do without you?! hahahahaz. but we survived.... the first 2 lessons. hahaha.

Intro to social sciences was quite a general module.. has a lot of memorising to do.. the lecturer (or facilitator, as what he calls himself) is a malay. He's a historian. Super cool... he tried to engage the classroom, but apparently, you can't engage a class filled with SINGAPOREANS. FAILED. 2nd class is The Social Self where you learn a lot of self thoughts. like, self awareness, self focusing, self efficacy blah blah blah... Its wad i like, but i thought the hours were too long. Either that, or working in the morning is tiring me. hahaz. i mean i could listen and stuff, but.. just somehow my glances found themselves at the clock and mind wandering to when lesson will end.

Pace is super fast... they're like speeding through everything.. I know its Uni and what not, but i didn't realised it would be that bad. Even when I read the notes before coming to lesson, i still found myself lost at some parts, then needing to take mental notes to look it up after classes (which also means in office). So assignments are due 2 weeks from now.. which is like.. NEXT WEEK! its one essay for each module, so which means 2 essays.. 1200 words.. i dunno if its a problem for me.. I guess its the content that matters a lot.. for an example now i'm already writing 300 odd of words. so i would need 4 times this amount. ......... i haven't started on anything yet. cuz i know my mind would be blank if i didn't have enough information to start on. and the worst thing you would want is to stare at the computer, with nothing to continue. SO i'm chiong-ing all the notes gathered from internet, trying to summarise them in my own words, then after reading the notes , then i'll pen down the structure of my essay. Only after that will I start typing out my essay. cuz i'm really afraid once i get stuck, i can't continue. then i'll type crap..

ok, social life. Ann planned a k box session and there was me, weng and yh plus himself. pretty fun session, given the fact that i've not sang with yh in AGES. hahahaz. pity she left early, if not i could have heard her sing more songs. after the k session in which i felt we got bluffed by the management of kbox, was dinner. we headed down to cinnie for dinner and crapped as usual. I felt rather weird sandwiched between 2 emo guys. hahahahaz. they don't usually reveal that side to me, so i was in a rather sensitive position, as to whether i should be a friend, or be a counselor . although i know i have no right to be one. hahaahahah.. sometimes things like that makes me ponder.... who suffers the most from a relationship? a girl or a guy? my stand has always been a girl suffers more, although there are rare cases (like my 2 friends there) suffers more. Cuz its true that girls are the more emotional ones and guys usually won't get more impact. but then again, this is a case by case thingy.. so .... my stand now is invalid. hahahz.

oh well...... i still believe in things that are not seen, not explained cuz thats the only way you are able to deceive yourself. fate, horoscope, destiny and what not.

9:41 PM

Saturday, June 25, 2011

last night was crazy... when was the last time i did that? actually not too long ago, but it wasn't beer.. the crazy laine go and order 2 buckets. 1 bucket consists of 6 bottles. 6 times 2 = 12. we had 3 ppl. so 12 divide by 3 = 4. one person freaking 4 bottles...... hahahahaz.

game i keep losing.. dnno why also.. my guard feel is accurate but i dunno why i said otherwise. aiyah.. for fun.. kept drinking like siao...

the company last night was very enjoyable, fun, comfortable.. i rarely drink with ppl other than my sisters.. cuz i'm afraid of awkward situations.. but surprisingly last night was really fun... hahahahaz..felt like you've nv left before.

2:51 PM